Redecorating with Emmett
by LittleShortGirlFromOuterSpace
Summary: Emmett and Bella decide that Edward's room needs an upgrade.... or would it be a down grade? See what they do to it! Edward wants his revenge on Emmett, with Bella's help! is it just me, or is she evil? Now Complete... DO NOT KILL ME!
1. Emmett Tries His Hand At Decorating

Redecorating with Emmett

(((Just to let you know, when I own the rights to _Twilight_, Rooms To Go, Wal-Mart, _Dracula_ and Disney, you will have to duck for cover because pigs have sprouted wings and are migrating toward the Bahamas)))

So here I am. Sitting in Edward's room, while he and Emmett are outside wrestling around. You see a few days ago Emmett hatched an idea. I decided it would be fun and went along with it. I also loved hanging out with Emmett. He is the best big brother a girl could ask for. The other day he gave Mike a black eye because he "didn't like the way he was looking at me," but I kind of feel bad for Mike, school pictures where the next day and there were no retakes.

Like I said a couple days ago Emmett had an idea. He thought it would be fun to redecorate Edward's room. We decided to go with the "fairy tale princesses" theme.

So we went to "Rooms To Go," and "Wal-Mart." And people thought I didn't have a bad bone in my body, that's 'cause I don't, Emmett on the other hand has nothing but bad bones.

At "Rooms To Go" we got a white canapé bed with matching: dresser, mirror, and desk. We also got a pink "Disney Princesses collection" rug and bed spread. At "Wal-Mart" we got the same pink as the rug in paint form and we were lucky enough to find white shelve, something to hide the sound-system, and a cut out of a Disney castle. But we where not as mean as to through away all his stuff, we even got some of the same paint he has on his walls already.

So when Edward came back from hunting found that every slightly manly that was in his room was replaced with frilly girly stuff. And a quiet, peaceful blissfully unaware me sitting on his bed reading "Dracula." I was cracking up at some of the non-sense in the book when I herd a whimper. When I looked up from the book I saw a devastated Edward. He was so cute; he was doing the whole puppy-dog pout thing, sound included.

"Aw Edward you don't like it?" Now it was my turn to pout, "I thought it looked cute."

"Bella," he sounded kind of… exasperated.

"Yes, Edward," I was still pouting as he made his way toward me.

"Did you happen to forget that I am a BOY?" He made it sound like I am incompetent.

"No, but you have to admit you do tend to have mood swings worse than a pregnant lady," I really didn't mean that but Emmett gave me coffee this morning and I wanted to see want he would do, but I think he saw the playful glint in my eyes, for he smiled a small smile, who could really smile in this situation?

"Silly Bella," he ruffled my hair and I smiled up at him, but he didn't smile as big as I had hoped, " now tell me, love, did you forget I am over one-hundred year old?"

"Of course not."

"Then way is my room decorated for a five year old female?"

"Emmett," Emmett and I had discussed this, as soon as I said his name he appeared in the doorway. He had been itching to wrestle for weeks now, and this seemed the perfect ploy to get himself a match.

"You rang?"

"Emmett, what did you do to my room?" Edward had said this through clenched teeth. Wow, he must really be mad, maybe he figured out it was planned. Hmmm.

"Well Bella and I decided to get you a bed, don't you like it?" Now he was looking at me kind of funny, hmm.

"Bella, why would I need a bed, I don't sleep?" Oh, that's why.

"But, I do sleep, and I am over here a lot, so I figured I would get you a bed," not entirely a lie.

"Couldn't the bed match my existing room?" No. That would ruin the point.

"I didn't see any that I liked to match it, so me and Emmett thought we would redecorate. It just so happens that there was a sale on this stuff."

"And I wanted to see what you would do to us, little brother," huzza Emmett steps back into the conversation.

"Emmett, you can have a three second head start… one, two, three," and they were off,

And so, here I am sitting on Edwards newly required bed, thinking. I think I am going to make up clues for him to find his stuff, but I think I am too late for that seeing as Edward is done with Emmett, and said vampire is painting the walls back to the original color. Hmm, why is he doing it a human pace. He is looking pretty agitated, and muttering stuff about how Edward can't take a joke and humans are so, so very slow.

"Hey, Emmett, where is Edward?" oh no, he's smirking, that cant be good.

"Oh, He is just talking to Alice. He said something about how you insist on him getting a bed you can go with Alice and Esme to pick one out, but Alice might take you clothe shopping too, after all, Alice is Alice," this is the part where I groan and fall back onto the bed.

"Bella, time to face your fate. Alice is coming, and she seems pretty eager to shop," curse you Emmett, you and your stupid plan. You said I would get out scotch free.

"Come on, Bella, the mall a waits," Alice sang as she drags me down stairs by my wrist.

"Alice, do I have to?"

"Yes."

"But Alice."

"Now, now, Bella, you're the one who went along with Emmett's crazy ploy, now you have to pay for it," ah the motherly voice of Esme.

"Esme is right Bella, you are the one who helped redecorate my room," I just glared at him, then he had to go a smile crookedly at me, and my glare faded. Stupid crooked grin you get me every time.

"Fine," I huffed as I got into the back seat of Carlisle's Mercedes, "but I wont be happy about it."

Boy, was I wrong. With Esme there, Alice didn't go too crazy. And I actually had a good time. Only because Esme wouldn't let Alice go into… inappropriate… stores, and I didn't come home with to many new articles of clothing, actually I think I only got about ten. We did get Edward a black, queen-sized bed, with black and gold sheets. The bed didn't have a back bored, so we could have it kind of like a day bed in the middle of the window. I think it will look good, but I'm no Alice.

(((Yeah, I don't go shopping a whole lot so… I just left that part out… don't hate me. And I know it is not like Alice to not get Bella a whole lot BUT Esme was there to stop her!)))


	2. Edward Wants Revenge

(((I may own things from the stores I name, but I do not own the stores. And I may own a copy of _Twilight I do NOT own the rights to it and I for_got to turn off italics my bad Teehee I decided to elongate it!!)))

Edward wants revenge for what Emmett and I did, that much is clear. But you see I am the only one who really knows what type of revenge it is. And quiet frankly, I am scared to death of what might happen when Emmett finds out who did it. I think I might have to take Edward out of state for a while so Emmett can't kill him. I mean only some one who wants to die would do this. I mean it is unthinkable. But no, the love of my life, and hopefully soon to be "unlife," had to think of it.

It's like he thought of this just so Emmett would kill him, then he wouldn't have to change me. Of course I think Alice would change me anyway. He is just going to have to deal with me being a vampire, whither he like it or not. Only he better like it or I will end up just sitting in the forest for the rest of time, which would not be fun in the slightest. I think he will just have to get over it.

Okay now back to what Edward is doing for revenge. I mean that is so, so what's the word I'm looking for? Vile? No. Disturbing? Yes, but no. Disgusting? No. Childish? YES. Yes that's it. It is disturbing but it is also childish, more than anything it is childish. But that doesn't mean he won't get killed for it!

Sometimes Men Don't Think, At All!

If they did there would be fewer wars. I mean really. Do they need to be all Egomaniacs all the time? All wars are just countries bullying other countries, which retaliate. It's just stupid. Hmm, I started out ranting about Edward's stupid revenge plot, and I end up ranting about how some wars are stupid because they are pretty much the same.

I get side tracked too easily sometimes.

(((This is really just a filler chapter; I do know what he is going to do. And don't worry, Edward won't die, but I have been playing with the idea of Mike, just out of no where, Dieing, probably won't happen though)))


	3. Charity with Edward

Charity with Edward: Part I

(((If I own something that is a brand name, then the ice caps on the North Pole is actually ice cream)))

Okay, I know I said that this was crazy and stupid and well stuff like that. But I think it is also going to be a bunch of fun to. I can't wait till I see Emmett's face when he realizes… I think Charlie's calling. I'll have to go down stairs to check it out.

"Hey Dad?"

"There you are Bells, Edward just called and he asked if you could go shopping with him tomorrow, I gave him the go-ahead. Just thought you would like to know. He said you already knew about it," I knew he was calling me!

"Yeah Dad, I knew. I just kind of forgot to ask you. Thanks."

"No problem. Oh and I'm going fishing with Billy all weekend. So you can spend the night at the Cullen's if you want."

"K Dad, I think that's exactly what I am going to do. Night"

"Night."

Okay so maybe I did not know we where going to do it tomorrow, but I did know it was going to be soon. That has got to count for something, right? Of course it does. Now I have got to get to bed I am so tired I am talking to myself, in my head. Did you know cat's eyes are creepy in the dark? I know random but I am tired and I just remember, back in Arizona, there was this cat that always tried to get into my window at night, and her eyes did that creepy glowing thing.

Hmm, bed. Feels nice, and soft, and why is it shaking?

I sit up to find Edward Laying on the bed next to me. What is he laughing at? "Edward, why are you laughing at?"

"Love, it is not every day I see you talking to your bed, while petting it no less," oh my, that's way he was laughing. How embarrassing. I can't believe I did that, well actually I can. I am really tired, but that doesn't stop the blush! Stupid blush.

"I'm tired," I mumble as I lay my head on his chest, his nice comfy chest.

Next thing I know, there are cold lips fluttering about my face, but I just want to sleep. Is that too hard to understand? Well to my boyfriend, who just happens to be a vampire and can't sleep, it is very hard to understand, because if it wasn't, then I would still be asleep. But no I am up and Adam, dragging my feet on the way to the bathroom.

"Come on Bella, we need to hurry. Emmett and Rose are getting home Sunday," Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet you are getting really annoyed. I mean if I didn't know what this big plan was and every time it is brought up I quickly change the topic so that you don't know, and you get even more annoyed with me. So you wont kill me I will give you a little hint.

"So, Edward, when does 'Kids 'R' Us' Open? And are you sure they will have things Emmett will fit in?" I am in the shower no; the water is blocking out my voice a little but he can still hear me. Hmm, that shampoo really does smell good.

"It opens in about a half hour, and sadly yes, they do. I don't know why but they do."

"So what, are we going to get him some footy-pajamas?"

"That's one idea, also so very childish day clothes. That way, once we donate all his clothes to Good Will, he has something to wear to either buy them back or get dragged around by Alice at the mall until he has a wardrobe again. Pretty much no matter what he chooses he will be seen in them. And I will take pictures," see what I mean by stupid and childish, but hey it will be fun.

"I just hope we don't run in to Mike today. He has gotten me annoying as the days go by," and he tried to kiss me at work the other day but there is no need to get the poor, stupid boy slaughtered is there? Sure, it would make Edward and I happier, but someone has got to miss him, right? Maybe Jessica would, last time I checked she still liked him. Oh look, my showers done and I'm getting dressed in a pair of jeans and a deep blue three quarter sleeve, v-neck sweeter, keeping it simple.

"Bella do you want to eat here or on the way?"

"How far away is it, if a vampire drives that is?"

"About ten or so minutes, you have time to get something here if you want, I just wanted to see if you wanted to go out."

"If you want to go out for breakfast then that is what we will do."

"Okay then let's go. There is this little café on the way there, which I have always wanted to go in, but I don't have to eat, so it would have been pointless. But now I have a reason, to feed my girl friend. So let's go." With that he picked me up, and zoomed off to his car. But I am still a bit asleep, so I don't think my mind is all here, after all I just though 'zoomed.' Ok, Edward just placed me in the passenger seat of his Volvo, and is now buckling me up. His lips are too close not to kiss, so I do. I think I caught him off guard because he doesn't react at first then he does, but he pulls away way to soon for my taste. So I do what any girl would do: pout. "Silly Bella," he says then kisses my forehead.

"So, are we off to that café, or are you just going to tease me all morning," I say, still pouting.

"Well, as much fun as that would be, we are going to the café, then 'Kids 'R' Us,'" he says, while taking me hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. I turn to look at him, only to find he is already looking at me. He is smiling his all-but-famous crooked grin. Who can pout looking at that smile? No one, that's who, because you just HAVE to smile, it's contagious or something. Thinking about his smile passed the time it took to get to the café. Quaint Café, to be exact, and quaint it was. It was nice fashion-wise as well as noise-wise. There were hardly any people there. And the few people that were there were either reading books or talking softly. I was one of those places that if you spoke normally people would look at you rather meanly. I could hear Debussy in the background; it too was very soft.

"So we're here, now what do we do?" I whispered while simultaneously looking up at him from under my eyelashes. Some people would think I was trying to seduce him or something, but I'm not. Plus, he is too much of a prude for any of that, or at lest I thought he was until I herd his breath hitch a little, and that made me blush, of course.

"We order at the counter and sit until my name is called, seeing as I will be paying no buts, ten I will go get your food so you wont trip and hurt yourself," I was going to but-in, but I held my but in.

"Fine," as we walk up to the counter you can just guess what I did, yep that's right, my foot managed to pull up the corner of a rug, which my other foot ran into. Which would have ended with me on the floor, if it had not been for my personal super hero slash true love, Edward. He, of course, caught me in the just nick of time, but I still had to tease him, I had gotten closer t the ground then normal, "Why Edward, I do believe you are starting to loose your touch. I almost touched the ground that time," I say with a small, I'm-teasing-you-you-know-and-you-can-kiss-me-now smile. And that is exactly what he does. He stands me up straight and wraps his cold, loving arms around my waste.

"Sorry, Love. There might not be a lot of people hear, but most thoughts are centered on us. Some on how cute our little show was, by the way people are clapping now,' he said that just so I would blush, I know it. But now that he mentioned it, I could here some clapping, but it, like every thing else, was soft.

"Okay, let's go order now. And not be the center of attention," I know that's impossible with Edward here, but we can try.

I order a chocolate chip muffin and a glass of milk and we go sit. We talk about nothing in particular until "Edward" is called, and true to his word, he goes up to get it. He left with a smile on, only to comeback glaring, as he sets my food down.

"What's wrong, Edward?" He looks at me like he just remembered I was there.

"You would think that they would know that we together, but no. I go up there for your breakfast and comeback with every girls' name and number." I frown; I don't like it when he isn't happy.

So I devise a simple plan. I scoot my chair over next to him, bringing my muffin and milk with me. I lay my head down on his shoulder, and I smile up at him. I lean up to press my lips to his in a simple, but sweet kiss.

"I love you, Isabella," I scowl at my full name, but it quickly vanishes.

"I love you, too, Eddy," I grin when he scowled this time, "you got what was coming to you, so you can't be mad, besides, I said I love you," I was grinning again, and he is too, this time.

"Silly Bella," and he kisses me again, "now hurry up and eat, I feel like I am being sexually harassed," I giggle, but do as ask. Poor Edward.

"Okay, I'm done. We can go and save your poor, little mind from the men ladies," I snicker. This is just too funny.

"Hey, my mind is not poor or little. I have a rather large mind, if I do say so myself."

"Okay Edward, whatever you say," despite me trying to hide them, more snickers trickle out of my mouth.

"But Bella, you don't think I am small minded do you?" Aw poor Edward. Did he really think I thought he had a little mind, did he?

"Of course not, you have a big mind. How else could you go through school so many times?" He just smiles at me. That crooked smile that makes my heart flutter. Of course he hears that and smiles bigger, "stupid, supper, vampire hearing." I mutter under my breath, which causes him to just chuckle and stop the car? Wait, when did we get in the car? Are we at "Kids 'R' us" already?

"Come on Bella," Edward says. Apparently he had time to go around the car, at human pace, and open the door for me while I was lost in my own mind. That seems to happen a lot lately.

"Okay. Now which section are we going to?" I still don't think that they will have anything that will fit Emmett, but it is worth a try, right?

"In the very back, there is a section for cases like ours, a really big baby. Even if this baby is '18' it will work none-the-less."

'Oh, okay. I thought that we were going to get normal-kid-sized clothes. Not adult clothes, styled like clothes."

"They are kids clothes, for the kid at heart."

"Ha, ha. Very funny."

"Do I hear a hint of sarcasm, dear?"

"Just look for stuff that would look ridiculous on Emmett already."

(((Okay it is 3:02 right now and I am cutting this chapter in half. You can deal with it because this is 2,006 words before I send it to Hay. God only knows what it will be after. And don't worry; Mike will die. It will be really random and slightly out of place, but since you have been so good to me Mike will die. I know it is not 3:02 any more… but it was when I wrote it so d and I have not gotten it back from Hay yet she is goin outa state today and yeah… )))


	4. Mr Daniels is creepy

(((I Don't Own _Twilight_ or McDonalds or Good Will, So Stop Calling My House In The Middle Of The Night Trying To Get Your Grubby, Little Hands On A Copy!!!)))(((I couldn't get to sleep till after 4 A.M last night, And it is 9:30 A.M now… so that means I am running on 5 ½ hours and a cup of coffee!!!)))

After we got Emmett some more clothing, we started heading home to put them in them his closet. But that was put on hold, because my stomach had made its empty status none.

Edward growled playfully back at it, as much as I loved Edward's growl, I needed to put a stop to it. "Edward, stop growling at my stomach, it didn't do anything to you!" I was fairly exasperated with the whole Bella-has-human-needs thing, and him growling back at my stomach was not helping that.

He put on a fake surprised look," That was your stomach," I just nodded, not knowing where he is going with this, "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GROWLING AT ME!"

"What, Edward I may be just a plain-old human, but we don't sound like strangled cats!"

"Yeah, but you can still do a growl-type thing!"

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"Are you insane, or do you just like playing the part? I thought being insane was suppose to be Alice's forte, that and shopping, hmm must have been mistaken, maybe you were the one in the mental institution for having visions when you were human, no then you would be the one in love with Jasper, not me. I don't like that idea very much at all."

"Silly Bella, I don't either. Where do you want to eat?"

"Anywhere is fine with my," I hate my humanness sometimes. I sigh and reach out to take Edward's hand, which he gives willingly. I bet if Jessica was sitting here he wouldn't, at lest I don't think he would, I sigh, again, and look out the window.

"What are you thinking, love?" Dang it, he notice my mood changed.

"Oh, nothing," he groans and lays his head against the headrest while simultaneously closing his eyes; he probably thinks I am thinking about my humanity, which I was but That was before I the thought that made me sigh.

"I'm not changing you, Bella. You know that," I knew it! I knew what Edward was thinking!!!

"Actually that, for once, is not what I was thinking," Edward got it wrong!! He sighs and looks at me, the road is now all but forgotten by both him and I, which I don't really care about right now, I think that has something to do with the fact that Edward is looking at me with those beautiful, captivating, topaz eyes.

"Then what, in God's green Earth, were you thinking that upset you?" He asked in a sweet and loving voice, yet it was exasperated at the same time. How he did that, I will never know, but I could never say no to that voice!

"If Jessica was sitting here, an she tried to grab your hand, would you let her?" I finally asked after a few moments of staring into his eyes.

"Why, in Sam's hill, would that girl be in my car in the first place, much less sitting in your spot in my car?" Uhg, he is so frustrating sometimes!

"I don't know, maybe she needed a ride home from school?"

"If that was the case, then you would be here, and you would be sitting where you are now. So she still couldn't try to hold my hand."

"What if I had to stay after school for some odd reason?"

"Then I would stay with you, even if I had to hide from Jessica in the boy's bathroom. Bella, Jessica is not going to hold my hand at any point in time if I have something to say about it," I sighed, again, but this one is happy. A take our entwined hands and bring his up to my mouth to kiss it.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too, Bella. Not anyone else, only you." That makes me VERY happy, I think Edward could tell, because he did his special, crooked smile at me then returned his eyes to the road. The, all of the sudden, his hand was ripped from mine. I look around for him when he reappears at my door, "We have to hurry, Bella, Alice just said that he is on his way home. We have about fifteen minutes to get this done with."

"What are you waiting for, then Edward, Go switch out the clothes, then we can leave in five," My stomach rumbled again, I guess we both forgot that I needed to eat, oh well we will drop off the clothes at the Good Will store and then I can eat, I just have to keep my stomach quiet till then. I think I should help Edward a bit, so I get out and go to the trunk of the car. You wouldn't think that the trunk could fit all these clothes, but it does. I clear out a space for him to dump Emmett's clothes and wait for him to take the new clothes from my arms; we do this about three more times before it's all done. Edward maybe Super-humanly strong, but he is still shaped human shaped, so only so much can fit in his arms before stuff starts falling out of them.

"Okay, Bella lets go!" We get back into the Volvo, and drive off to Good Will.

--------

"Bella?" Edward asked out of nowhere, we had just dropped off Emmett's clothes, and we where just driving around until we want to go home, I am kind of afraid of what Emmett will do!

"Yeah?" I wonder what he wants… I really don't know… did we forget to do something today? I don't think we did.

"Did we ever get you some lunch, or did we manage to forget?" Oh, yeah. Food. For the little human girl's little human needs.

"I think I distracted after you had a growling contest with my stomach. That was not fun on my part."

"It was for me, I got to see you beautiful blush. Now, where do you want to go eat?" He picked up my hand and placed a kiss on my wrist, and each of my fingertips.

"I don't care, first place we see that's not too fancy?"

"Sure," that 'sure' sounded like he was up to something… I didn't say anything about cost! Great, now he can go to someplace expensive. And sure enough, we pull out to a place that practically screams I-am-for-the-casual-rich-folk.

"Edward, we don't have to go here. We can go to someplace like… McDonalds, yeah that's it lets go to McDonalds!"

"If you want a hamburger and fries, Bella, you can get it here. Please come eat with me in here? Even though I will not be the one eating?"

"Fine," he was pouting, so it really wasn't fair, you can't deny Edward anything when he pouts. He smiled that I-should-get-an-award, crooked smile of his when I gave in.

"I'm sorry, we don't have public restrooms."

"We are here to eat, not use your… facilities, miss," Edward said, through clenched teeth. He doesn't like it when people think that they are 'young' so they can't afford anything.

"What makes you think that you can afford anything here?"

"My Dad is an exceptional doctor, and my family is good at the sock market."

"How much would you give to get a table?" She is really pushing his buttons.

"Your job? Your boss is one of my dad's patients, my dad performed open-heart surgery on him. Mr. Daniels said we were welcome here anytime we please."

"I don't believe you," Edward took out his phone and text-ed someone and the next thing us humans know there is an old fat man coming out of the backroom yelling something in Italian, he did not seem very happy, "What did you do!" She hissed at Edward.

"I believe I told your boss, Mr. Daniels, that you were refusing to seat us."

"You there, working girl, you are fired, since you think you can refuse to seat customers!" The fat man, which I believe is Mr. Daniels, said, "Now, Edward and, eh, Edward's girly, come sit with me!" He appears a lot happier now… did he just have a mood swing?

"Mr. Daniels, I would like you to meet my girlfriend, Isabella Swan. Bella for short."

"Isabella eh?" He took my hand, the one that was not holding onto Edward for dear life, in his own.

"Yes, sir," I say. I am a bit scared of this man…

"Isabella such a beautiful name, and such a beautiful girl!" He kissed my hand and I blushed deep red, which I caught Edward smiling at.

"It's okay, Bella. He is not hitting on you, you just remind him of his estranged daughter," Edward whispered in my ear. Mr. Daniels led us into he privet little dining room.

"Come, children, Come sit. The waitress will be right out!" oh great, another female, just what this day needs.

--------

Lunch was very good, but Mr. Daniels is still very creepy if you ask me.

At Charlie's house now, we decided to stay away from the Cullen's house for as long as we can… good thing Edward packed himself some clothes in his car, and if he is not ready to go back when he runs out we can either wash them or buy him new clothes… or we could ask Alice.

(((Do how will Emmett react?)))


	5. Country Music Rocks!

(((I don't own Twilight… and sorry for the delay.)))

Edward and I have to go to his house today. First day in two weeks, because Edward doesn't want to leave me alone while he goes hunting. He thinks that what ever Emmett has planed, is better then me being alone for two days. But I can't blame him.

"Here goes nothing," I muter when Edward opens the door.

"Hey Edward, hey Bella. Long time no see," okay, what's up with Emmett? Shouldn't he be mad at us? Emmett does not have THAT small of and attention span… does he?

"Hey Emmett," Edward and I reply warily. We go up to Edward's bedroom, Edward constantly looking over his shoulder. I wonder what Emmett was thinking…

"What was Emmett thinking, Edward?"

"He was singing 'My Give a Damn's Busted' by Jo Dee Messina (((Not Panda))) in his head."

"I don't think I've ever heard that song…" Edward pops in a CD and it starts playing…

_Well you filled up my head,_

_With so many lies._

_Twisted my heart_

_Til something snapped inside._

_I'd like to give it one more try_

_but my give a damn's busted._

_You can crawl back home_

_say you were wrong,_

_stand out in the yard_

_cry all night long._

_Well go ahead and water my lawn._

_My give a damn's busted._

_(chorus)_

_I really wanna care,_

_I wanna feel somethin'_

_Let me dig a little deeper..._

_Nope..._

_Sorry..._

_Nothin'_

_(2nd verse)_

_You can say you've got issues._

_You can say you're a victim._

_It's all your parents fault,_

_After all you didn't pick em_

_Well maybe Oprah's got time to listen._

_My give a damn's busted._

_(Well let me get this straight now)_

_Your therapist said_

_It was all just a phase _

_A product of the prozac_

_And your co-dependent ways_

_So uhh ... who's your enabler these days_

_My give a damn's busted._

_(chorus)_

_I really wanna care,_

_I wanna feel somethin'_

_Let me dig a little deeper..._

_Eeh-Eeh_

_(3rd verse)_

_(Oh you're tellin' me)_

_It's a desperate situation,_

_No tellin' what you'll do._

_If I don't forgive you,_

_You say your life is through._

_Well honey... give me somethin' I can use._

_(My give a damn's busted.)_

_(Ahh you knew I was gonna say that, didn't ya.)_

_My give a damn's busted (ha ha)_

_My give a damn's busted _

_Honey trust me_

_My give a damn's busted yeahhh ..._

_OOOH_

_My give a damn's busted yeahhh_

_(You wanna do what?)(ha ha ha ha ha)_

_My give a damn's busted_

_(Get the party started thats what we'll do)_

_My give a damn's busted_

_(I'm not done honey, trust me)_

_My give a damn's busted_

_(Been there, done that)_

_My give a damn's busted_

_My give a damn's busted_

"Wow… Emmett was singing this?"

"Yeah…"

"I didn't know he liked country music…"

"He LOVES country music…" I think Edward just shuddered.

"What's wrong Edward?"

"He is now singing 'Goodbye Earl' by Dixie Chicks…" he put in another CD in.

Mary Anne and Wanda were the best of friends  
All through their high school days  
Both members of the 4H Club  
Both active in the FFA  
After graduation Mary Anne went out lookin'  
for a bright new world  
Wanda looked all around this town  
and all she found was Earl

Well it wasn't two weeks  
after she got married that  
Wanda started gettin' abused  
She put on dark glasses and long sleeved blouses  
And make-up to cover a bruise  
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce  
She let the law take it from there  
But Earl walked right through that restraining order  
And put her in intensive care

Right away Mary Anne flew in from Atalnta  
On a red eye midnight flight  
She held Wanda's hand as they  
worked out a plan  
And it didn't take long to decided

That Earl had to die  
Goodbye Earl  
Those black-eyed peas  
They tasted all right to me Earl  
You're feeling weak  
Why don't you lay down  
and sleep Earl  
Ain't it dark  
Wrapped up in that tarp Earl

The cops came to bring Earl in  
They searched the house  
high and low  
Then they tipped their hats  
and said 'Thank You ladies  
if you hear from him let us know'

Well the weeks went by and  
Spring turned to Summer  
And Summer faded into Fall  
And it turns out he was a missing person  
who nobody missed al all

So the girls bouth some land  
and a roadside stand  
Out on Highway 109  
They sell Tennessee ham  
and strawberry jam  
And they don't  
lose any sleep at night 'cause

Earl had to die  
Goodbye Earl  
We need a break  
Let's go out to the lake Earl  
We'll pack a lunch  
And stuff you in the trunk Earl  
Well is that all right  
Good Let's go for a ride  
Earl hey

"What do you think he has planed?"

"I don't know, it's hard to decide whether he isn't doing anything…"

"Or if he's planning our demise?"

"Exactly."

"Well that's a happy thought."

"I really need to go hunting too…"

"You go, I can handle myself," he gave me a disbelieving look, "well, I can stay alive for two days with out you, Emmett wont act on only I, plus it was your idea, I am only a tool for both of you. So technically I'm neutral."

"Fine, just be careful."

"Love you!"

"Love you, too."

And he left.

And Emmett walked in…

"Hey Bells, you know, psychological revenging is this best. I was never going to hurt either of you."

"Wow, Emmett. Your are smarter then you look."

"Thank you, Bella," one, two, "Hey wait a second, what do you mean by that?"

"Nothing Emmett."

(((The End)))


End file.
